Now the major battle over, cancer in remission, I have a scarred and worn battlefield left to inhabit. I somehow expected that once the battle was over the body would just be as it was, no signs of the long war. I guess that idea comes from being on the winning side of history so far. I am not a Southerner, I haven't grown up with the ravages of the American Civil war in my backyard. I'm not European or Japanese, I didn't grow up with the scars of WWII around every corner. In my history, you win the war and celebrate then get back to life in a landscape untouched by battle. As such, I've grown up with no first hand knowledge of the painful and long process of rebuilding after a war.
I imagine that those who have been through the rebuilding process are more likely to work for a peaceful resolution to a problem because they understand the true cost of battle, not just lost lives, but the damage to the psyche of the survivors, the time and money and pain of rebuilding a broken landscape. If I had to do it all over again, knowing the severe toll all the treatments would take on my body, would I make the same choices? Yes. My cancer was pretty damn aggressive, in just 3 months it had gone from undetectable to a 2.5 cm main tumor and visible tumors in two lymph nodes. Diet and exercise weren't going to stop this cancer and put it in check. Sometimes you can't negotiate with the bad guy and the best way to save lives is through war. I didn't have time to wait for a peaceful solution. However, I do urge anyone that's sick to review all of your options and think long and hard about your choices and the repercussions of each choice, because the impact on quality of life can be extreme.
I'm no longer sick, but I'm not yet well. I wish I could leave the battlefield behind, but it's my home and I'm kind of stuck with it, so rebuild I will. I want to make this home the best I can and am fortunate to live where I do because I have the resources and support necessary to rebuild this broken battlefield of a body from the ground up. I have the ability to fix this body and make peace with it so that I can proceed through life with body and mind once again unified in purpose. Even if that purpose is something as simple as the ability to do a cartwheel. I can't wait til I can do cartwheels again.
