Mortality

Though we don't have a firm diagnosis yet, it appears that my breast cancer has gone metastatic. There's some hyper-metabolic spots on my ribs, very near the site of the first tumors and the affected lymph nodes. At least I no longer have to worry about whether or not it will reappear, it has. It's reappeared less than a year after I finished chemo, which means these are some crazy aggressive cancer cells, kind of the Taliban of the tumor world if you will.

This doesn't mean I'm going to die right away, or even soon. It does mean that a full on cure is no longer likely and that this is something that will have to be monitored and managed for the rest of my life, howsoever long that may be. It also means that I no longer have the luxury of assuming a long life at this point. I imagine that every day from here on out I won't be able to help but think about the fact that I'm going to die. Of course, we're all going to die, I'm just probably doing it faster than the rest of you.

That said, while reading "Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor" by Kris Carr I found this quote: "I think it's better to live every day like it's your first...and it's so good that you can't wait for another." That sounds a hell of a lot better than the fatalistic 'live every day like it's your last'. Today is not my last day, and I'm going to use it to prepare for an awesome tomorrow.